so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
