He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
