I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
