at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
