i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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