Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize