you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize