I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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