Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
