giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize