i don't like sucking hair
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
