really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
