some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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