Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
