Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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