New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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