My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
