told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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