my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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