hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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