he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
