White coat. Heels.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
