Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
