and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
