Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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