I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
