it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
