The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
