I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
