My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
