True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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