I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
