my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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