I wish I only lived at night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize