my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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