The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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