The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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