dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
