Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
