Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
