y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
