Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
