Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
