is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
