i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
