got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
