1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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