He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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