why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
