I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
