Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
3pm strippers are depressing
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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