I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
