you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
