Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
