mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just pynch a tree in the face
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
