hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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