You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize