Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Life is so much better after having sex.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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