you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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