i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
