so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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