yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
