i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
