Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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