I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
