This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
