I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
