I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
