please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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