between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize