Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
