She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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