her vagina looked like bernie madoff
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Drake has all the answers
It's shark week go big or go home
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
