Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
