i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
