I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
