shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
