How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
